la vie est cruelle
by lord yuuri
Summary: it was the only thing he had goin' for him, ya know? – kiawe and reality


No one told him he was supposed to live a normal life once the Trial Captain gig was over. No one told him to get married, settle down, have a kid or two, and inherit his father's farm. No one told him about this kind of life – so plain, so pleasant, so calming.

Kiawe hears the sound of dishes clicking and clacking together from the kitchen. Lana is in there, getting everything spick and span with the help of Primarina. Their son is probably in there, too, working on his drawings. Their daughter is probably out on the farm, rounding up the Miltank and the Tauros. He hears the occasional "Moo" – one of the Tauros was being stubborn, but he'll be put into place soon.

It was simple, everything that was going on around him. This is what life is apparently about; this is the life he was delegated to. At age twenty-seven, this is who he was now: a proud, well-to-do father and husband who has achieved much in his life.

This was not what he dreamed of.

* * *

Lana invites Mallow over for some Roserade Tea. The twenty-six-year-old is still sprightly and a bit childish as ever, in a good way, of course. Kiawe sits next to Lana and he listens to them play catch up. They speak simple, silence-quenching comments, making obvious observations pertaining to Lana's growth spurt and Mallow now having an undercut (which, truthfully, fit her well).

"I am so, so sorry that I missed the wedding," she says dramatically when her eyes fall upon the golden rings. It was an indicator for Kiawe to finally speak.

"It's alright, Mal. We understand that you were going through some things. Speaking of which, er, how is your father doing?"

Mallow smiles sweetly. Kiawe hates when she does that: a unnaturally large grin to hide her true feelings and an extra layer of cheerfulness to top it off. She's an easy-to-read book.

"Oh, he's doing quite fine now! He's out of the hospital and on the road to recovery. A doctor still comes by, just to check on him, but he's pretty good." Mallow pauses for a quick moment. "Pretty good," she repeats.

"That's good to hear," Lana says, and quickly and smoothly brings up a new topic about the new Trial Captains. Kiawe inwardly sighs, relieved that Lana knows how to change an uncomfortable subject.

Lana cutely takes a sip of the Roserade Tea, and Mallow does so as well. Kiawe muses at the fact that Mallow hasn't said anything about the taste of it yet. He imagined the complaints Mallow is politely keeping to herself – "There's not enough Roserade leaves in it, Lana!" or "You forgot to add a bit honey to it!" It appears she learned to think a bit before speaking over the years. What a blessing.

They soon dived into talk of Mallow's family restaurant. It's the hottest restaurant as of late, with more of them appearing all over Alola, with the main one being located in Hau'oli City. Kiawe remembers hearing about it on the news a few weeks ago, of how she had finally achieved her dream and is the living the life she wanted. She was all smiles and joy, all sunshine and rainbows and pretty little Butterfree.

 _Fuck her smiles and joy._

Bitter. Bitter and _angry_. Kiawe hides it well, smiling at the right times, but he feels the resentment boiling in his chest. Tapu Lele should strike him down for feeling this way. Shame on thee.

But he couldn't help himself as he listened to Mallow and her thriving dream, while his remained dead and withered. He can still remember when was relieved of his Trial Captain duties, and how ready he was to go and take Lana along with him to the Unova region, where dreams come true. He was prepared to have his dream cross over into the realm of reality, the dream of enchanting those with grace and flames.

He can still remember it all crumbling before him, a luxurious empire no more.

"Kiawe, Lana, I want you both to come by some day, like you used to! And little, er…haha, I don't think you've ever told me the names of your children. I'm terribly sorry!"

"Don't apologize," Lana reassures. "Our daughter is named Nani, and our son is named after _someone_ special."

Lana places her hand upon Kiawe's, snapping him back to reality. Perfectly scripted, Kiawe smiles. Even throws in an embarrassed and humble chuckle.

Mallow makes a face that screams "How cute!" The topic soon shifts into love and family, and Mallow lamenting her lack of romantic companionship. Kiawe sits back and forces out a nice-sounding laugh.

* * *

With a drawn-out moan, Kiawe collapses on top of Lana. He feels Lana's grip on his sweat-slicked hair loosen, and he shivers slightly as her slender fingers trail down his neck and traces circles on his shoulder blade.

"So glad the kids are at Moon's tonight," Lana breathes, letting Kiawe roll off of her.

"Ah, yes. We wouldn't want them to hear Mommy's vulgar words." He lacks the energy to defend himself from Lana's smack, and though it admittedly hurt, he refused to let her know that.

They lie in bed, Lana snuggled against Kiawe's chest, both now registering the cool breeze that entered their room. Kiawe looks out of the window, noticing the sun falling down to the Earth. Shades of orange and red and yellow melted and spread out. It was as if he was staring at a blanket of fire covering the sky.

Kiawe sighs.

" _Kia_." He felt Lana's gaze upon him, and cursed silently to himself. He hates when she says his nickname in _that_ tone, the tone that lets him know that she senses something is wrong with him. She knows him better than he knows himself, and he is not sure if that's a scary thing. He knows he's going to force him to talk about it either way, so he mentally prepares himself to tell the truth as quickly as possible. Just get it over with and continue staring at an unreachable dream.

"You looked…bothered while Mallow was here today," she continues, hitting it right on the nail on the first try. "I figured I would wait until you were relaxed to talk to you about."

 _Relaxed_. Kiawe couldn't help but chuckle at that choice of words.

"Kia, I know what you're thinking about. I just want to - "

"Then just say it already, Lana." He didn't mean to add such a sharp edge to his words, but he didn't want to have this conversation. But he knew Lana wasn't affected by that. They have said much worse things to each other in much harsher tones. It only served to further Lana's point.

"How long will you dwell on the past?" she asks. Ouch. No holds barred, as expected. Kiawe looks at her, sees those blue expectant eyes that were half-lidded and pleading for him to touch her _here_ and _there_ just mere moments ago.

Lana takes his silence as an acceptable answer and continues on, her voice as steady and all-knowing. "I know how badly you wanted to achieve your dream, Kiawe. I really do. But you can't go on living and feeling this way. There are some things you have to let go."

"And why do I have to let it go, Lana? It's embedded in my soul, a part of who I am. And yet, it's like – it's like it was ripped away from me. Ripped away and thrown to the ground. It's who I was, and who I still want to be."

"I know that, but – "

"You say you know, but you don't understand," he snaps. "You don't know how feels to have your dream crushed before you and ending up…"

His voice trails off, and he internally winces. He did not mean to say that and now he is left with broken pieces. Kiawe makes no movement when he feels the warmth of a lithe arm wrapped around him leave. He does not currently have the right to reach out to her when she leaves his side, and all he can do is stare as she puts on the robe that conforms around her body, her face turned from him but he can feel the hurt.

"Do you regret your life now?" she asks quietly, and though it was not a question he was meant to answer, Kiawe attempts to anyway. He sits up and sputters out words meant to show remorse, but he cannot formulate the right sentences, and they come out a pathetic, jumbled mess.

"Lana, I – no, of _course_ not, I – I _love_ you and – Lana, please, I'm – "

But she ignores him and walks away, leaving him to wallow in the dreadful sense of mistakes and guilt.

* * *

Sometimes, at night, he leaves. Leaves the nice comfort of Lana's sleeping form and carefully steps over his faithful Arcanine. Salazzle likes to sleep next to the door, so her beady little eyes always meets Kiawe's when he does this. They form a non-verbal agreement, and Salazzle lets him leave her sight.

Tonight, like usual, he ends up at Wela Volcano Park and feels at peace. He inhales the slightly smoky air. Bad for his lungs, maybe, but he never gave a damn. Ironically, it made him feel alive. Like he was truly here, like no matter what, this is the life he could never escape. This is the life he had wanted.

" _Do you regret your life now?"_

He lets all of his emotions out in a scream, hopes that all of Alola can hear his agonized roar. In simplistic terms, Kiawe feels terrible. In complicated terms, Kiawe feels everything, and it _hurts_ him. If he had to be honest with himself, he does have regret, but not in the way Lana thinks. He does not regret the elaborate fire show he put on for her just to ask for her hand in marriage. He doesn't regret the daughter they had, or the son that came by two years later. No, he doesn't regret what he has now, but he regrets giving up so fucking easily. He was a Trial Captain, damnit; obstacles didn't faze him, hardships weren't of his concern.

But after regret comes acceptance, and Kiawe feels the bittersweet emotion seep into his soul. He accepts what has happened, and accepts what will come. It may not be what he has dreamed of, but it is a new dream that has come to life. It doesn't hurt to admit that he loves this dream he now lives.

Kiawe sighs and looks to the sky. The midnight blue was beginning its transition to the tropical blue of Alola's early morning. He should be getting home, preparing an apology breakfast for Lana. He's going to have to take the kids to school and, just for the hell of it, he'll take them via Charizard. They'll love it, probably brag about how cool their dad is to all of the jealous little kids. He'll then come home and further serve the needs of his queen until she has thoroughly blessed him with forgiveness. All will be well for the days, the months, the years to come. All will be well with this normal life, so plain, so pleasant, so calming.

He'll be a good father, a good husband, a good man.

* * *

 **mmm, technically, this would have been my first pokémon story (on this account, at least), but i didn't get it sort of right until now. this has been floating around in my head for a while, and it kinda stems from what i envision kiawe's life to be after being a trial captain. it was an interesting concept that was executed better in my thoughts, lol.**

 **well, i hope you enjoyed it. i'm not quite fully satisfied with it, but i still like it. it was supposed to be in the rated m category, but i don't believe a lot of people go there for obvious reasons. if i need to boost the rating up, i will.**

 **see ya~**


End file.
